


Second Chance

by TheGirlWhoDiedWolf



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gay, M/M, So is Gerard - Freeform, frank is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:11:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWhoDiedWolf/pseuds/TheGirlWhoDiedWolf
Summary: In which Frank risks his life for a blow-up doll.





	

*****************

Do you ever feel like there's something you want out of life, but you never know what exactly it is? Something seemingly out of reach? 

Like some sort of adventure, or something.

Like the life i'm living right now seems fucking meaningless. Pointless.

Why am I even alive? What do I have to give to the world?

My existence isn't really beneficial in the grand scheme of things. I'll live, then i'll die.

And for what?

Not to sound morbid or anything. I mean, this is the God honest truth, and if that sounds morbid to you well then, it isn't my fault. It's just the way you choose to perceive it.

I mean, i've come to terms with it, if anything. It's not as though I sit around moping and questioning my existence on an hourly basis, lost in an endless void of self-destructive thoughts.

No, _fuck_ that shit.

I choose to ignore it, for the most part. I try to get on with my life, completely self-aware of my menial existence, but sometimes it just gets a little overwhelming.

Or _under_ whelming, should I say.

It's like, I bottle up these thoughts and feelings to such an extent that I feel like they're going to end up busting open the lock and leaking out of my brain and down my nostrils, giving me a full blown breakdown.

Which is exactly what I try to avoid.

So I keep my head down, for the most part. Close myself off from the world around me. I like it that way. For now, anyway. It seems to be working.

But still, that little voice in the back of my head that gets hard to avoid sometimes. Calling at me. Sometimes _yelling_. It asks me what the fuck i'm doing. It tells me to get my fucking shit together and break out of this shitty town. To quit my dead end job and find something that makes me happy. Like, _really_  happy.

But that's just it.

I don't fucking know.

What makes me happy anymore?

How can I be happy?

"Hey, son, we're closing in like five minutes. I'm sorry, but i'm going to have to ask you to leave."

I blinked myself out of my reverie and glanced up at the waitress smiling apologetically down at me. After a moment of confusion, I realised I had done it again; gotten myself lost in my thoughts. Fuck, this was bad. I always worked so well at avoiding any kind of thinking, or overthinking in this case.

And it usually worked, until the damn thing sneaked up on me unsuspectingly and threw me into that never-ending void. I blinked blankly down into the bottom of the coffee stained mug in my hands, warm from my hands having been wrapped around it absentmindedly. I hadn't even realised when i'd finished it, or that i'd finished it at all.

"Oh... No, i'm sorry. I hadn't realised the time." I mumbled awkwardly, avoiding eye contact as I unwrapped my hands from around the empty mug and quickly stumbled out of my seat. I pressed my hand into my pocket and pulled out a note and some coins, pressing them down onto the table before sending the waitress a toothy smile in thanks. I pushed my hands into my pocket before stumbling out of the diner, cheeks tinted red from embarrassment.

_God, that smile was way too cheery. She probably thought I looked like some crazy person._

_She's probably laughing at me right now._

I shook my thoughts and pushed on down the dark street, crossing the road to take a stroll along the path beside the river.

_And shit, I should have left a bigger tip. She probably thinks i'm such an asshole. Fuck._

I kicked a stone onto the road as I sighed deeply at myself. Why would she be thinking about me? Why would anyone?

_Stop it, Frank. You're overthinking again. She's probably already forgotten about you, for God's sake. The world doesn't centre around you._

"No, it fucking doesn't." I murmured into the scarf I had wrapped around my shoulders, feeling my breath absorb into the cotton and warm my neck.

"God, this week has been so damn shitty. I- I need..." I threw my head back, up towards the black-blue sky and groaned in frustration. "I don't know. Fuck this. I'm going home. Home is good." I rolled my eyes at myself once I realised what I was doing.

"Great, talking to yourself _once again_. Shut the fuck up, Frank. Idiot." I shook my head at myself, brows set in a deep frown as I trudged along the path towards home.

I needed a detox or something. I needed to be alone, away from the world and people. I needed to be cosied up on the sofa in a nice warm blanket so I could spend my birthday watching movies all alone. Just how I liked it.

Alone.

I smiled to myself at the thought. Whose to say I _wasn't_ happy? Happiness is subjective, right? Maybe if I tell myself i'm happy enough times, i'll believe it.

I _am_  happy.

I have my days. Oh boy, do I. But like, who doesn't? Right? Everyone's life is some sort of roller-coaster ride. Everyone has their ups and downs. Everyone's looking for the same thing.

Some sense of fulfilment. And happiness, of course.

I mean, I have friends; granted I don't see them as often as I probably should but that's on me. And a family who love me. A home, food, a warm bed. I have so much to be appreciative for in my life. I have so much to be _happy_  for.

_So stop fucking sulking around. Get yourself out of this funk._

It'll pass.

And i'll be back to pretending again.

But that's fine. I don't mind it, honestly.

As long as i'm not feeling like _this_  anymore. As long as my body decides to stop jumping at the slightest of sounds and my spine stops shivering with some sense of constant apprehension and my head stops pounding with negativity.

It'll pass and that's all I need to know for now.

I need to stop feeling like i'm the only one in the world with problems, no matter how trivial they may seem. Everyone in the world is dealing with their own demons. Some more than others.

Everyone's life is shitty in some aspect. That's something I need to keep reminding myself, because if they can get through it, then so can I.

I continued walking with my head down, trying to avoid making eye contact with the people dressed in Halloween costumes, stumbling drunkenly out of bars into the cold night air, leaning against friends or often, completely alone.

Just like me.

Except maybe they were actually sad, because they were getting drunk all alone. At least I didn't do that. It was fucked up, but thinking about things like that provided me with some sense of comfort that people were definitely worse off than me.

I continued down the busy path, trying to block out the world until I heard a horde of people coming my way, making a lot of damn noise. I tilted my head upward slightly to get a glimpse, when I realised who exactly was fronting the group.

My eyes grew wide and my heart stopped for a moment and I quickly flipped my hood over my head and tilted my face away, keeping my eyes trained on the river surface as I pressed as close to the innermost part of the path as possible, trying to keep my face obscured from being recognised.

I don't think they'd recognise if they saw me, but even so, it wasn't a bad idea to take precautions.

I didn't exactly feel like interacting with people today, and I especially wanted to avoid what would inevitably turn out to be an awkward encounter.

I mean, I hadn't seen Gerard since high school and we had been pretty close friends, but drifted apart pretty soon after we left and went our separate ways to different colleges.

We had been inseparable back then, and vowed never to drift apart. But, I guess life happens, you know? It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that we would never be like we had been before. Not ever again. And besides, I had my life now, and he had his. I had my friends and he had his.

God, it had been awfully long since i'd seen him. Like, i'm talking _years._ And he'd definitely forgotten about me. He seemed happy with his new friends, or so it seemed, on his social media anyway. And even now as he walked past and laughed along with something his friends had said.

I held my breath as I passed them, eyes focused on something floating through the river, just by the riverbank, trying to figure out what exactly it was.

As soon as they'd passed by, I released the breath I had been holding in and realised I was still staring at the floating thing but now I was growing curious.

It was quite big and it was dark out so it was hard to make out what exactly it was. I inched closer to the edge of the path to get a better look into the river, almost leaning into it, when I nearly fell at the realisation.

It was a body.

A floating body.

I clasped my hand over my mouth, my body shuddering with a sudden burst of adrenaline and my mouth completely dry.

There was a body floating in the river and I didn't know whether there was a chance of saving them or whether they were already dead.

I was in fight or flight mode. For some reason, I felt compelled to jump inside and pull him out, try to resuscitate him like i'd learned back in that first aid class i'd taken last year. 

And God, was I suddenly so appreciative of that fact. I had a chance here, to save an actual person, granting they were still worth saving.

I glanced around the street quickly to see whether anybody else had noticed, or whether anyone was doing anything to help.

For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to call for help, so instead I pulled off my jacket and scarf, ignoring the freezing cold air, before tossing them to the floor. I quickly pulled off my shoes, relieved that i'd chosen to opt for my velcro fastened trainers today. I tossed them into the pile on the floor.

Clothes just weighed you down underwater. The less, the better.

I could barely think straight. All other thoughts had been swept away and the only thing on my mind was to pull this person out of the water. Maybe _this_  was my purpose. To save this life.

Maybe this was the reason I was put on this earth.

My life finally had some sort of purpose.

Without any further thought, I took a deep breath and pinched my nostrils shut before jumping into the river.

My heart was pounding in my chest and my ears were ringing as soon as my body hit the water. the freezing water was sloshing around them, blocking out the sounds of civilisation above me.

On instinct, my limbs kicked around and I was filled with a sudden sense of dread as my mouth filled with murky liquid and I struggled against the water.

I couldn't swim.

What the fuck was I doing?

Oh God, I was going to die.

I was going to drown and die, trying to stupidly save someone who was probably already dead.

Why did I have to be such an idiot and not call for help?

Why did I think this was going to end well for anyone?

God, I was going to die and I was fucking terrified.

No. No I can do this. I can _try_.

And at least if I don't make it, i'll have died doing something good. Right?

God, but I really didn't want to die.

My arms and legs were flailing around and my head was just about above the surface, gasping for oxygen. I kicked and splashed around, my mouth unable to form words from the fact that every time I opened my mouth, it would fill with dirty water.

I tried to move, tried to swim and stay afloat but it was getting harder and harder, especially as my limbs started to give out from exhaustion.

Why am I such a fucking idiot? Why did I do this? Fuck. Fuck fuck fucking fuck.

"H-Help!" I finally gurgled out when my head was above water. But I was pretty sure it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear.

I reached my arms out to grab for something; anything. My hand fisted against the body. I'd finally reached it but as soon as I got a hold of it, my legs gave way and I realised this was it.

I felt myself sinking. My head was completely submerged and I was dropping downward like a stone. I tried so hard to keep the water out of my body but sooner or later, my body needed to breathe.

And I couldn't stop my mouth from opening on instinct, and taking in a large gulp of water as though it was oxygen in the air. I could feel myself choking, the water filling up my lungs and it hurt so much. Oh God, it hurt.

I struggled as long as I could because I was a stubborn motherfucker. But eventually, my body shut down and I passed out, seeing only darkness as I dropped further and further down into the river.

***

Lights. Flashing lights

And... Something.

Something blurry.

A... person?

"Jesus... Is that you?" I murmured in a daze.

"Frank? Oh thank fuck, h-he's awake!" The person breathed out in something that sounded a lot like relief.

"How do you know his name?" Someone else spoke with a low, croaky voice.

"Old friend." Person one responded.

"Or... Satan? Always knew i'd go to hell." I barely even knew what I was saying. All I knew was that I was probably dead because it was the last thing I remembered thinking before I blacked out.

"Frank? What... What are you saying? You're mumbling. Are you okay? Blink once for yes." The voice rambled on, hands pressed to my face which I realised after my eyes adjusted properly and my senses returned to me.

There was a bright light in my face and I threw my arm over my eyes to shield myself from the burn against my retina. "Fuck... W-what happened? Where am I?" I croaked out, my throat sore. "A-am I dead?"

"No. You're just a fucking moron. Jesus Christ you could have _died_  what the hell were you thinking?" The man scolded and it took a moment, but I finally realised who was speaking.

I should have recognised that voice.

And i'd know those eyes anywhere. And that small, pointy nose. And those damned tiny teeth.

Except his hair was red now, not black like it was back in high school. Like a bright fucking blood red. What the fuck was going on?

"Am I dreaming... or are you actually here?" I blinked up and poked a finger against his lower lip.

"What? No, you're... oh God, did you hit your head? Fuck." Gerard breathed out as he quickly ran his hands through my hair, smoothing them around my scalp to check for cuts.

I slapped his hands away and groaned as I tried to sit upright, realising this was all real. This wasn't a dream.

"Get that damn light out of my face." I grumbled as Gerard instantly wrapped an arm around me, helping me up.

"Oh, sorry. I was checking to see if your pupils were reacting to the light. Which they are. You're all good." Someone I didn't exactly recognise murmured as they turned off their phone and pressed it into their pocket.

"Are you okay? Do you need us to call an ambulance or something?" Gerard furrowed his brows as he ran his hands over my body, looking for any scrapes.

"No, i-i'm fine." I shivered, trying to ignore the feeling of his hands smoothing over my wet clothes.

"Shit, you're freezing. Here." Gerard picked up my jacket from the floor and wrapped it around my shoulders before rubbing my biceps to warm them up.

I tried to shuffle out of his hold as I remembered why exactly I had jumped into the water in the first place. "The guy- is he okay?" My eyes were wide with worry. I needed to know if he'd made it or not.

Gerard looked confused. "What guy?"

"The one in the river?" I frowned, my voice growing louder as the confusion grew on his face. "The guy who was floating around on the surface?"

Gerard simply shook his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Frank."

I groaned in exasperation, eyes turning toward the river and roving over the surface, heart pounding hard in my chest. My eyes caught onto the body once again and they widened as my heart rate picked up. "There!" I pointed in its direction. "He's there, oh my God you have to save him! Why are you just standing here?" I pleaded, hands gripping against Gerard's jacket.

Gerard looked toward where I was pointing and that was when the confusion was wiped clean off his face, replaced instead with amusement.

Why the fuck was he smiling?

What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Frank... Oh dear Frankie." Gerard shook his head, his smile growing and a small giggle escaping his parted lips. I could only stare at him in utter abhorrence. 

"I don't know if I should tell him. Should I tell him?" Gerard giggled louder as he raised a brow at his friends who shared in his amusement.

What the fuck was going on? Oh God... Were they all psychopaths? Had _they_  killed that man?

"Jesus, Frankie... You _do_  know that isn't a person, right?" Gerard brows were raised, hands on my arms as he looked down at me through sparkling eyes.

"What are you talking about? A-are you going to kill me?" My chest was moving fast now, heart pumping hard and eyes wide. I couldn't tear my eyes from Gerard who only seemed to laugh harder at my words.

"God, are you sure you didn't hit your head? Because _that_ ," Gerard turned me around so I was facing the river once again and pointed a finger out toward the body, "is a blow up doll, not a person. You basically just risked your life for a _blow up doll._  You mad bastard." Gerard laughed and his friends joined in as the shock and horror from the events started to ebb away, instead replaced by utter mortification as I realised he was right.

He was fucking right.

I really was a fucking idiot.

Oh God why.

Why.

I gulped as my entire shivering body was overcome with a cold sweat, my numb cheeks lighting up with red heat from a blush that crept its way up my face.

"Oh." Was all I could muster the courage to say amidst the laughter.

"I-I... Knew that." I lied pathetically, eyes downcast as I pulled my jacket tighter around myself. "I-I just fancied a late night swim." My voice was trembling half from cold and half from the embarrassment that definitely would be sitting in my head for a long time to come.

"Oh, now that's a lie." Gerard chuckled. "Because you never were much of a swimmer, Frank. Which is why you're an idiot for risking your life like that!" Gerard slapped my bicep and I gasped at him, trying to attempt a frown but probably failing because my muscles were practically numb.

"W-why do you care anyway? Should have just let me drown." I crossed my arms over my chest and turned away from him slightly, bouncing on the balls of my feet trying to warm myself up. To be honest, I wish he'd have let me drown; would have saved me from this embarrassment I was currently feeling.

Gerard was silent for a moment and it was getting a little eerie so I flicked my gaze over to him, watching him from the corner of my eye. He looked a little forlorn, all traces of amusement gone.

"I already lost you once, wouldn't want to make it permanent or anything." He smiled slightly at me and I felt the breath knock out of my lungs once again.

How the hell would I respond to that?

I mean, _he_  was the one who didn't want to try. I messaged him, called him. I tried to make the long distance friendship work, and it did at first, but we drifted apart anyway. It never would have worked out. I'd been fooling myself. Especially when i'd seen how he'd moved on with his new friends.

I cleared my throat, before my body involuntarily shuddered when a cold breeze flew past my cold, wet body and boy did I feel the damn cold. "I need to go. It was nice seeing you again or whatever. Thanks for saving my life." I mumbled and started walking away, my body wracked with violent shivers. What the hell else was I supposed to say? 

Gerard gripped my bicep, holding me in place. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you're going?"

"H-home." My teeth chattered together and I held my arms around my body in a tight grip.

"Not like that, you aren't. You're coming with me. You need to go to a hospital or something. You almost _died_." Gerard all but commanded, a hand against his hip. I noticed his hair and clothes were wet too, and he was shivering slightly, though not nearly as bad as me.

I shook my head. "N-no i'm fine. J-just cold." I responded, my body still trembling as I tried to tug myself out of his hold.

"Well... You're coming with me anyway. We need to get you warmed up." He turned to his group of friends who had been watching the interaction with curiosity. "Guys, i'm sorry but you'll have to go to the party without me. I need to take care of him, see him home or whatever."

"But... I mean, you can just, like, drop him off. And then we can go-"

"Jesus, Ryan, are you kidding me? He almost died. I'm not letting him out of my sight until I know he's one hundred percent okay. I'll see you guys later. Have fun." Gerard waved to his friends and started walking away, pulling me along with him.

They stared dumbfounded and I sent them a small, apologetic smile, unable to protest with how badly the cold was affecting me. My lips were so numb, I could barely talk.

So I followed him down the path, wherever the hell he was leading me. To a car it seemed.

He rounded the car and opened up the driver side door, settling himself inside. I stood dumbly on the path, watching him.

He sent me a confused look through the window before rolling it down. "Are you just gonna stand there or are you actually getting in?" He raised a brow, lip pulled up in disbelief.

"I... I'll get your seat wet. I'm soaked." I stuttered dumbly, not wanting to be alone with him. I just wanted to go home. My house wasn't far from here. Just a ten minute walk and i'd be fine.

"Shut up and get inside, you'll get like hypothermia or something." He shook his head when I refused to move. "Don't make me force you, Frank." He warned and I let out a deep sigh before finally complying. This was going to be an awkward ride.

He pulled off the path and started driving, except he was going in the opposite direction of the way I lived. "Erh, m-my place is back that way. I live on-"

"That's nice, but we're not going there." Gerard cut in, eyes concentrating on the road.

"What? Where are you taking me?" I frowned, heart racing in my chest from a sense of dread.

" _My_  place. Where I can keep an eye on you for the night. Make sure you're okay." He smiled at me briefly, eyes crinkled at the corners, before turning his attention back to the road.

"But... _No_." I breathed, leaning toward him. "I-I gotta get _home_. I have work tomorrow and just- i'm not your damn responsibility or something. You saved my life; yeah, great. Thanks for that. I'll be okay." My leg was shaking now, like it always did when I was anxious. It was a nervous habit that I couldn't seem to break. 

And I _really_  didn't want to prolong this embarrassing encounter any further.

"You wouldn't be if I hadn't been there, Frank. And you know that." Gerard countered smugly.

I snorted in a way that came out a lot more condescending than intended. "Whatever. Have been the last few years of my life _without_ you."

Gerard was silent after that. Eerily silent. He said nothing and it sort of freaked me out. So I said nothing in return, just sat back in my seat with a huff, watching him from the corner of my eye.

His face was set in a stern expression and his lips were pulled into a tight, thin line. 

He looked a little annoyed. Or maybe angry. Yikes, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

I definitely struck a nerve. Fuck.

I hadn't meant to sound bitter, or resentful for that matter. I just... I don't know. Seeing him again just brought back all those old memories we shared. The ones I wanted to bury forever. I didn't exactly feel up to opening old wounds. Not on my fucking birthday of all days.

Why the fuck was the world like this to me? Why today? Why _ever?_

He drove us into a car park, just outside an apartment complex. It wasn't exactly anything fancy, but it wasn't dilapidated or something. It was better than mine, anyway. He'd done well for himself, it seemed. And the neighbourhood looked quite nice and somewhat quiet, like everyone minded their own business, compared to mine which was riddled with drug dealers around every other corner and nosy bastards with voyeuristic tendencies and nothing better to do who liked to watch you from their windows.

Gerard was still being silent and I followed cautiously and quietly behind him, not wanting to hit another nerve. I wasn't up to an argument or anything tonight, not in this state. And I most definitely did not want to bring up our past again.

I was till shivering from the cold, despite the fact he'd had his heating on in the car, and my clothes were still soaked through. So were his, I realised. He pushed open the front door and started toward an elevator. The ones at my place were always out of order because the landlord could give less of a shit. So I had to use the stairs. And my apartment was at the very top floor of the four storey building. A lot of damn walking. On the bright side, my legs had never looked better.

I stepped inside beside Gerard, eyes trained on the door as I held my arms around myself, shivering still. I was working hard at keeping my eyes away from Gerard. My plan was to try to stay out of his way as much as possible until i'd warmed and dried myself up. Then i'd be on my merry way and we'd never have to see each other again.

Next time, I won't do dumb things like try to save a drowning fucking blow up doll. God, thinking about it made my entire body want to convulse from embarrassment. My face was probably red as a beet. 

I could hear Gerard breathing beside me the entire ride up, so painfully aware of how close we were and how quiet it was.

My head felt like it would implode, I hated this so much. This awkward tension surrounding us. Like we had no idea how to act around one another. I mean, it's not like we hadn't spent our entire damn high school careers together, side by side. We used to be so close and honestly, I don't even know where it all went wrong.

I can't even fucking remember.

But it's not like we could pick up where we left off and pretend everything hadn't changed. because it damn well had. _I_ had changed, for one. And so had my entire life. And my aspirations.

And there's no doubt that he had changed too. What if I didn't even know him anymore?

Why did I agree to this? I should have just said goodbye and run off home when i had the chance. It was too late now to run, I realised, when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

Gerard cleared his throat. "Erh, this is my floor." He murmured; the first words he'd spoken since the car ride here. He made a gesture for me to follow him and I did, following him down toward the end of the hallway.

We stopped outside one of the doors and Gerard stuck a hand into his pocket, pulling out a key before pressing it into the lock. I observed the door and my eyes grazed over the number. I couldn't help but let out a small, involuntary snort, my lips curved up at the corners. I tried hard to hold back the stupid grin but Gerard caught on, watching me with narrowed eyes from the corner of his eye.

"Of course you live in room 69." I giggled and Gerard rolled his eyes, an amused smile tugging at his own lips.

"Actually, it's floor six, room nine." He stared at me for a small moment with amusement sparkling his eyes, before shaking his head and pushing the door open. "You haven't changed, I see." He mumbled. 

"Have too." I furrowed my brows as I stepped over his threshold and stood awkwardly by the entrance. "I just sometimes find dumb things amusing."

"Age hasn't made you any more mature." Gerard pointed out. "Not that you were ever very mature to start out with." He flashed me a cheeky grin as he wandered inside.

I regarded his apartment as I closed the door behind me. It was quite minimalistic, but catastrophic in a way at the same time. Like, the floors were lined with wood and there was a small rug by the small, comfortable looking sofa. A small coffee table and a TV. The overall colours were quite drab, yet the walls; they were lined with posters and paintings and pictures. Just all over, like they'd been thrown and tossed at the walls. The fact that some weren't even lined up correctly, or that some were wonky, really brought out the OCD in me and I felt the itch to go over and neaten everything up.

But that would be a little weird.

All in all, this place was an accurate representation of Gerard. Or, at least, of what I remembered of him. 

I wandered over to a small corner where an easel had been set up and paints splattered the corner of the wall, poorly hidden by yet more posters and printouts.

There was a canvas, half done it seemed, propped up on the easel. A messy kaleidoscope of colours and patterns. Like he'd just grabbed a brush and painted whatever the hell was in his head at the time. Something he used to do a lot when he was having a particularly bad day. It helped ease tension and get out all his frustrations and worked as a creative outlet of sorts.

Maybe he hadn't changed.

I smirked when my eyes landed on a small shelf lined with comic books, video games and small figurines. I reached a hand out to touch a little Yoda doll when Gerard startled me back.

"Hands off the merch." He warned and I jumped, swiftly turning around, my heart racing in my chest.

He watched me with hands on hips and brows raised and I looked up at him through my lashes, sheepishly smiling. "Okay, so _I'm_ not mature? But i'm not the grown man who still plays with dolls." I smirked at him and watched as a small tint of pink laced his cheeks.

"They're action figures. Collectors items. The _total_  opposite of dolls. These you don't touch or play with. Ever." He narrowed his eyes as he moved closer toward me.

"Whatever. It's still dumb. Like, I remember that time your mum bought you... What was it? Speck? And-"

"It's _Spock_ , what- how could you even get that wrong? And how have you _still_  never seen star trek?" Gerard's tone was incredulous, mouth ajar in a small sneer.

I ignored his correction, talking over him instead. "And you'd been crying for this particular toy for ages and then your parents bought it for Christmas and you didn't even take it out of the packaging. Like ever. I just think that's so ridiculously pointless." I glanced toward the shelf and smiled when I noticed the exact toy I had been talking about, in it's packaging like it had been when he'd first got it. "Wow. _Still_? I just don't get why people do that." I shook my head in disbelief and Gerard rolled his eyes.

"Because it'll be worth a lot in the future." Gerard murmured. 

"Why would you buy it just to sell it then? That's still dumb." I frowned at him.

"Because... I... Y-you wouldn't get this _nerd_ stuff."  Gerard crossed his arms over his chest, tone mocking how Frank used to always make fun of his recreational hobbies.

"Toys are meant to be played with. Not by, like, grown men." I hinted at him and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Why don't you donate them to a kids charity or something. At least then they'd _actually_  be worth something to someone, instead of a lame ornament sat on the wall collecting dust, just to be passed around to do the same thing on someone else's wall." 

Gerard shook his head at me before leaning over to straighten something out on the shelf. "They don't... Collect dust. I wipe them down and make sure to keep them in pristine condition."

"Wow. So not what I meant." I couldn't help but chuckle at him, bemused.

The tint in Gerard's cheeks grew a little redder and my chuckle turned into a small giggle, which only deepened his blush.

He leaned back and cleared his throat, pulling at his wet shirt. "Whatever. I'm going for a shower. I need to get out of these clothes." He threw a pile of clothes at me and I was caught off guard so I watched them hit my chest and slide to the floor. "Make yourself at home or whatever, just don't touch anything.." He murmured to himself and I frowned slightly.

"Okay, but like, i'm the guest. It's only common courtesy to ask me, first." My body shivered then, as if on cue.

Gerard only frowned at me. "What?" He mumbled.

"You never were a brilliant host, were you? I feel all gross and I want a shower. Please?" I added on, batting my lashes for emphasis.

"But- I..." His brows curved upward and lips turned down at the corners. "My house. I go first." He crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. "You can go after me."

I glared at him slightly. "I was brought here against my will. Plus I, like, almost _died_  so I think that constitutes an automatic shotgun." My lips tugged up at the corners in a smug fashion and Gerard scratched awkwardly at the nape of his neck.

"First of all, I don't recall dragging you by the ear into my home. You came willingly." He smirked at me and I glared back because he was technically right. But it's not like I could have protested to if I wanted. I was in a vulnerable state.

I let out a deep huff of breath and begrudgingly leaned down to pick up the clothes off the floor, clutching them to my chest.

Gerard stopped and stared at me for a while, It was getting annoying and weird. All this staring.

"What?" I snapped lightly.

"I mean... I guess it _is_  your birthday, so I can't say no." He sighed and my eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Fine, whatever, you can go first. Just be quick. I'm freezing."

This time, I was the one who stared and stayed put. "Y-you remembered." I gulped slightly.

Gerard shrugged at me, as thought it wasn't a big deal. "Yeah? I couldn't forget." He cleared his throat. "It's not like it's a hard birthday to remember or something." He murmured softly.

"No, yeah... I mean, yeah you're right. I.. i'm just gonna." I gestured toward the bathroom, identifying it as the first room down the hall to the right with the fact the door was slightly ajar and I could see inside. I needed to get away from him. I was starting to feel claustrophobic with how tight the awkward tension was in the air.

"H-happy birthday, by the way." Gerard wrapped a hand around my elbow as I moved to brush past him and I turned slightly, sending him a half-arsed smile. "Urm... Yeah. Sorry you're having a sorta suck-ish day. Almost dying can't be very pleasant, but I stand by the fact that you're an absolute idiot."

I pulled my arm out of his hold, cheeks burning up once again. Fuck, i'm never going to forget this damn thing am I?

"Thanks." I muttered, half sarcastically as I speed walked away and locked myself into the bathroom. I let out a deep breath i'd been holding in.

Why?

Why was I still getting butterflies, every time he touched me?

It had been three fucking years.

Three years.

And i'd moved on. I swear it.

But as soon as he looked at me with those eyes of his, the ones that never failed to pull me in, I felt myself falling all over again. Forget drowning in a damn river, I could quite figuratively drown in those eyes of his. All those feelings that i'd successfully pushed away came back to bite me in the fucking ass. And it was as though they'd been repressed for so long that they were going to come back with a vengeance.

This was not good.

I needed to busy my brain. This was a disaster. I couldn't ever let him find out how i'd felt about him. I couldn't possibly ever let that slip out. 

As I busied myself with peeling off my sodden clothes, I tried to think up a plan of action. I needed to avoid him as much as possible. Small talk was as far as i'd go for now. 

Just say you're tired or something and then try to fall asleep. Yeah, that sounds good.

Then my stomach grumbled obnoxiously. Perfect fucking timing. I never usually went to bed with an empty stomach unless I was so extremely exhausted that I was about to pass out.

Well, I guess food is out of the question tonight. I could try and sneak out... but in this cold ass weather?

Goddamn it. Besides, I didn't even know where I was. I never got out much which was evident in the fact that the only routes I had memorised were the ones to work and the cafe in town. That was it.

I sighed in frustration as I stepped into the shower, the frustration turning into relief and contentment as soon as the hot water hit my cold skin.

I probably spent a lot longer than necessary in the shower, but it just felt so good. I had to get out though when my finger started getting all wrinkly and gross. The feeling of touching things with wrinkly fingers was not good at all.

I dried myself off as best I could with a towel hanging off a rack on the wall before changing into the clothes Gerard had given me. I pouted at the fact that they were slightly baggy on me. I had to knot the strings on the waistband of the sweatpants because they were a little long and loose on me.

And here I was thinking i'd gained a few inches, at least. Nothing. I was still a fucking midget, goddamn it.

I sighed and wiped at my hair one last time before replacing the towel on the rack and stepping out of the bathroom. I craned my neck out of the doorway to see where Gerard was. I couldn't see him anywhere so I inched further out, which was when something rounded the corner and I stumbled and lost my footing.

"AH!" I let out an incomprehensible sound as my feet twisted awkwardly against the damp tiles and I almost dropped to the floor in front of Gerard.

Hands instantly pressed against my sides and held me in place. "Whoa, Frank! You okay there? How are you feeling? Do you need to see a doctor or something?" Gerard rambled out as I worked at controlling my racing heartbeat and gaining my footing again.

I shook my head, cheeks blazing with embarrassment once again. "No, I erh... Just slipped. I'm fine. Tired." I put on a fake, exaggerated yawn and stretched out my arms for emphasis, avoiding eye contact with him.

"A-are you sure? I have medicine if you're feeling unwell or something." He mumbled and I noticed he was holding something in his hand, grasping it quite tightly.

"I'm alright... What's that?" I'd promised myself nothing further than small talk but my curiosity always got the better of me.

Gerard blinked at me before blinking down at the papers in his hand. His cheeks tinged pink and he quickly tucked them into his pocket. "Nothing. Just old junk that needs binning." He smiled at me, though it looked a little put on.

"Anyway, I erh, ordered pizza." He mumbled quickly, as though he was trying to change the subject, especially since he caught me trying to eye whatever it was he had been looking at.

"Oh." I blinked at him. "I'm... Not very hungry. Just tired. I'm about to pass out, or something." I lied, yawning again.

But then my stomach grumbled, betraying me. The traitorous ass. And pizza sounded so good.

Gerard smirked at me with his hand on his hip, all exaggeratedly akimbo. "Oh yeah? You sound it, though. Since when did you become shy about food? Besides, i'm not sending you to bed on an empty stomach, Frank." Gerard ordered, in a bordering on motherly tone.

I sighed, defeated. I wasn't going to pass up free pizza. I may be an idiot, but i'm not stupid.

I stayed stood on the spot, unsure of what to do with myself for a moment. Gerard just stood there watching me, arm still on his hip. 

"What? What are you staring at?" I murmured, those damn butterflies wreaking havoc once again at the way he was looking. His head cocked to the side and his eyes sparkling with some hint of mischief as he nibbled on his lower lip in thought.

He didn't respond to me with a straight answer, instead countering with a question of his own. "What do you wanna do while the pizza arrives? I have games and movies and stuff. The night is still young, birthday boy."

So I decided to do the same, mirroring his stance. "Why did you ditch your friends for me? You looked like you were having fun."

Gerard furrowed his brows, lips so slightly curved up at the corners that it was almost impossible to catch. Strands of now dry, red hair fell over one eye, the other side tucked behind his ear. "Why were you spending your birthday alone?"

I sucked in a small breath, cheeks burning up slightly and my stance faltering somewhat. "I'm not alone. I have friends."

"Okay, where were these friends of yours?" He raised a brow.

"I _wanted_  to be alone. There's a difference." I frowned, growing slightly annoyed. 

"Is there, though? I'd imagine someone would want to spend time with their friends on their birthday, you know?" Gerard's tone was a little condescending and I felt like wrapping my hands around his throat because God was that so infuriating.

"I'm not a _someone_  though, i'm _me_. And I happen to like being on my own. Besides, what's with this third-degree shit? Far as i'm aware, my life is none of your business." I stated, matter-of-factly. I turned my nose up at him and made a move to brush past him, making sure to hit my shoulder against his bicep as I walked by, before flopping down onto the sofa.

Gerard settled himself beside me, turning to face my body and I rolled my eyes as I made a point to inch away from him slightly. "Fine... I guess I want to make it my business. Frank," Gerard sighed, his tone serious now and I could've swore I felt my heart skip a beat as he pressed his hand ever so lightly against my forearm. "I... What happened to us?" He sighed.

There it was.

And there was the silence that followed.

Because... What _did_  happen to us?

I took a moment to gather my bearings before I decided to answer him. Why was he bringing this up now? Why had he never made a move to talk to me before this? He had so many chances... But granted, so did I, I guess.

It was just that he looked... So happy with his new friends. His new life. Without me.

"Are you... How are you? I mean, really. H-how have you been?" He was looking at me, waiting and watching through his lashes.

"Why do you care now? You never cared to ask in three years." I crossed my arms over my stomach, holding myself tightly.

"Just... Just answer the damn question before I regret having asked it." He pleaded, eyes narrowed.

I sighed deeply, shrugging and picking at lint on the sofa. "Erh... Fine? I don't know, is that what you wanted to hear?"

Gerard shook his head. "No, I... God, I- agh." He pressed his hands over his face, rubbing downward and sucking in a deep breath. "I'm... sorry. I- there was so much I wanted to say. I swear, I just... Fuck. I don't know. Life happened. I just wish i'd... God, I _wish_ -"

"You wish what?" I pushed myself up slightly, settling a little more comfortably on the edge of the sofa. "Because I get it. People drift apart and that's life. Don't go apologising for something I barely even remember anymore." I let out a small, nervous laugh. "I mean, you can't live life expecting people to hang around, you know? People drift apart and that's that. My parents did, for one. You remember that, don't you? Things aren't always meant to last. A-and we don't have to pretend to get along now, just because we did all those years ago. So don't feel obligated to ask me how I was, or how I am. Or to try and mend things. Because there's nothing that needs mending. We just gotta move on because, you know, life doesn't like pause and then restart as we see fit. It just keeps going, and so do we." I had no idea where all that came from. But it was out there now. And it was the truth. 

There was no use in pretending things could go back to how they were. All we had now were memories and we could reminisce in them all we wanted. A lot of them were happy memories; some of my best days, even. But we couldn't live in the past. Nobody could, because life doesn't work like that. Not at all.

"I'm tired, Gee." I sighed deeply, chancing a glance at him and watching as he practically chewed a hole into his lower lip. I could see his chest rising and falling rapidly as he took quick, shallow breaths. As though he was working himself up to something. Having some sort of internal battle.

His eyes widened at the nickname i'd used. I hadn't realised what i'd done until I saw his reaction and my brain sort of just fizzled because I hadn't called him that since we'd last seen each other. I hadn't meant to say it, it just sort of came out. And now we just sat there staring at one another as though i'd cursed his mother's grave or something.

"I-i'm sorry. It just came out-"

Then I was falling. Backwards.

My head hit the armrest and there was a weight pressing above me, holding me down.

Legs wrapped around my hips, arms pinned against my chest, lips grazing my own. "I wish i'd told you. I wish you'd known. Then maybe we'd have had a chance. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for being a coward." Then his lips were on mine. No warning. No request.

Just like that.

And it was...

It was painful.

It was magical.

It was everything i'd imagined all those years ago, amplified into a million. So much hurt behind it, so much want. So much _longing_.

I hadn't even realised I was responding to the kiss until I felt his tongue softly, tentatively slip between my parted lips.

My brain was screaming at me but my body wasn't responding to reason. It wanted what it wanted. And it wanted Gerard, right now.

"You're right." He murmured against my lips, pulling away to speak before pressing his lips hungrily back onto my own. "We can't live in the past. But I want to make things right. I've missed you." He moaned as he pressed soft kisses down my jaw. My eyes were closed, eyes rolled into the back of my head and breath coming out in pants.

"People do drift apart, but _we_ never should have. It was my fault, I should have _tried_  harder. We don't have to pick up where we left off, because... Because I want to try again. And this time, I wanna do it right. I... I want more than we had. I-"

"Yeah?" I breathed out, head buzzing with adrenaline and dizziness.

Gerard pulled back, eyes locked on mine staring down at me intently. "If tonight has taught me anything, it's that you should listen when the universe gives you a damn sign. I didn't do it the first time and I regret it so much. I want a second chance." Gerard slipped his hand into mine, interlocking out fingers together and bringing my hand up to press soft kisses against my fist.

"Could you give me a second chance?" He pleaded. "Before you say yes or no, just know that I never stopped thinking about you. Not for a second. And I regretted every moment we could have been together. And I accept that it was my fault." He dropped his head, lips grazing along my knuckles.

"I... I don't know." I gulped. "Fuck... I moved on Gerard, I swear I moved on and then you show up again and everything... Fuck, everything came back with you. I don't know if we can start again, not when everything is coming back to me in such violent waves. I don't know if that would be a good idea."

Gerard pressed the palm of his hand against my face, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. "What... What are you saying? I... Did you... Love me?" Gerard pulled his lower lip into his mouth, biting down hard and I closed my eyes.

I nodded, once. Apprehensively. "I think so." I murmured, eyes brimming with tears, I had to blink them back and I couldn't bear to open my eyes.

Gerard slipped his hand into his pocket then and I blinked my eyes open as I heard him unfolding paper in front of my face, legs still straddling my waist.

"You remember that band you were really into, the summer after High School?" Gerard waved the paper in front of my face and that was when I realised they were tickets.

I nodded again, unable to trust my voice.

"I got us VIP tickets to see them. I was supposed to surprise you and... And I was planning on giving you this." He pulled out a card, old and stained and torn at the edges. "I spent so long working myself up to it. And I... I chickened out. I couldn't do it. And then I fucking... I forgot. I got so caught up in my new life that I forgot about it. I forgot about you. Just for a brief while. And after things practically ended between us, I couldn't bring myself to forget. Not ever again. I've thought about you so much. Pondered the what ifs and regretted not taking that fucking risk."

I took the card from him, the front cover reading 'Happy birthday' in big bold lettering and a cartoon image of a puppy in a party hat. I smiled softly at that and opened up the card, skimming my eyes over a message that had been written out inside it, ink smudged slightly from age and folding.

I finished reading the message, eyes brimming with tears once again and I threw my arms up, wrapping them around Gerard's neck and pulling him down into a tight embrace. I pressed kisses against his temple, grinning like an idiot. I threw the card against the floor. "We need to stop dwelling on the past. Fuck it. We missed our chance then, but I won't let us miss it again. We can start again. We can _love_  again." Gerard pulled away, grinning before pressing his lips against mine once again.

"Thank you. I promise, I won't let you get away. Not again." Gerard murmured against my lips and I grinned wide.

"I'm holding you to that, Gerard. C'mere." I giggled and pulled him into another kiss, legs wrapped around his waist and holding him tight. Maybe this was _my_ adventure.

Maybe Gerard was my adventure. I guess i'll just have to wait and see.

*************

 


End file.
